Delicious Ambiguity

finite

2010-03-16T16:28:00.003+08:00

hello,

i'm not writing here anymore.

i loved it while i was here. but, bye!

xo.

(i shall make a tutu skirt. haha!)

Stars.

2010-02-23T17:10:00.002+08:00

credits: computersciencegeek

credits: NYC Comets

credits: computersciencegeek

lord, you really know how to love me.

Ante.

2010-02-23T14:41:00.003+08:00

hello after a day of 3D in school.

credits: tumblr

and well, i want to be in a hot air balloon right now. 7 ans later with qiyi! can't wait.

i need you now to let me go now :/ all of you.

bibbidi bobbidi boo!

2010-02-22T22:22:00.002+08:00

credits: thepinkballoon

haha! credits: tumblr

Pastel magic.

2010-02-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

nice slow refusal to go back to hall on a sunday day today. i bought two random trashy little novels. church was revealing in a good way. went on a salmon high. now back to earth, and just a little bit heady on spicy red wine. my sisters and i are embarking on the lets-bake-a-cheesecake mission now. pretty fun stuff!

please no more bombs on me!

Polish-ed.

2010-02-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

i may have acquired the test of patience via applying nail polish. it's taking me long but we're getting there. i have yet to study for biz law. i watched the holiday and it makes me feel like i should take a holiday. its coming close to 11 so soon. why do good days pass by so quick. still listening to hear you me.

2010-02-18T22:32:00.002+08:00

2010-02-17T21:02:00.001+08:00

Day Thirty. - Whatever tickles my fancy

2010-02-17T19:58:00.003+08:00

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World

and if you were with me tonight,

i'd sing to you just one more time.

a song for a heart so big,

God wouldn't let it live.

may angels lead you in

here you me my friends

on sleepless roads the sleepless go

may angels lead you in.

i don't want to be safe anymore. your life is a concrete jungle in itself - solid, structured, planned, boring, safe, secure. i don't want to be safe anymore. i could just stand there and let the weeds grow and feel happier that something else is in place, something else intrudes safe ground, we're all shaky now. we all tremble, then we trust.

to die, will be an awfully big adventure. - peter pan

and this is how i understand tonight. let safe die, and the adventure begins.

Out of here.

2010-02-17T02:06:00.005+08:00

i have forgotten how to write down simple daily events as it is. valentine's day remains empty on my notebook with nothing but the date written down on it. traditionally this year, in complete disagreement with neil gaiman, we were made to give oranges on valentine's day since it coincides with chinese new year.

today (technically yesterday), i had an awesome day even though it started off really late at 130pm. but then again, i could find an awesome in almost everyday, almost always there's something to be thankful of. on the 16th of february, i'm thankful to have found out how to walk to punggol beach from compass point with the aid of a gps and a friendly friend (haha!). well, it was the friendly friend's suggestion that we decided to take an outrageous 2hour walk in the first place. i only wished that i took more pauses and looked up or left or right a little bit more. i think i saw a dog-faced-shaped-cloud in the sky once. the walk in towards the beach was long enough to make you feel drunk. then the beach! god, i swear it was made of gorgeous (even though there was a surprising amount of people). all the liquid-wipe-inked-concrete-bricks was a plain reminder of how i used to do something like that with a bunch of friends that used to be mine. packed sand ground with strewn leaves all swept to the side, and at the very end, i was tempted to climb over the barricade and -jump-. i'll probably end up killing myself (since i can't swim very well, almost at all. i swim as well as i cycle which is pretty not near survivable at all). but that's fine. those few seconds of pleasure, it was almost worth dying for. almost.

i wish i brought a camera along. haha. i'll probably do that sometime by myself soon. i'll stop and walk and be glad that i'm alive to be able to do this over and over and over again.

then thank God for great company and food at jade & janet's place even though i was incredibly late. i decorated cupcakes! haha.

tinkerberry's photo quality is not there.

one of the mad longest posts i've ever written about my days so far. i think i'm going to need a new home soon. school's beginning in about 12 hours. i'm happy just thinking about how i'm coming back home almost everyday this week. thank God for a loving family so much.

xx.

Day Twenty Nine.- Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

2010-02-17T01:52:00.002+08:00

i should probably recontinue this 30 day thing especially since i took a long break off all by myself and now that the cny break has ended. oh well. i had a good break.

um. hopes,dreams and plans. i've written it all down, somewhere, folded and kept in an envelope to be opened at the end of this year. i really don't feel like putting this out in the open. hopefully this is a long enough chunk that no one will read. well, i want to be more financially prudent for one, and to be more concerned for the welfare of my family, and to be more dependent on God, to have a more open mind towards many issues in general, to be less condemning and generous at heart, to always have faith in the unknown (that God will bring me thru basically). plans, well, vc for one (i share that w qy, luv you woman). i think i've made enough insane time for me this year already but i would always love more of that. other plans remain written in my heart and not on public space. tyvm.

that because i'm God's beloved i will always get my heart's desires fulfilled. thank you Lord.

2010-02-15T02:32:00.002+08:00

good night. good bye. everything will turn out right!

happy chinese new year all! and valentine's day!

aggressive healing, aggressive peace, aggressive love.

xo!

2010-02-13T02:11:00.001+08:00

so many things and nothing to say about everything.

2010-02-13T01:36:00.001+08:00

tyvm.

2010-02-12T17:27:00.002+08:00

heart pain.

i overslept completely and missed biz law. 2D ended early today. a lot of stuff to pack this weekend for home. mad packing now. now i know and now, and now.

happy happy happy ryane.

2010-02-11T21:55:00.003+08:00

i am so happy it is so weird hahahahahahahahaha and well, nobody including myself knows why! i guess i'm just so happy that today and the past two days turned out so so so well. no fuss, no messiness, no work, no nothing! no work is the best! a lot of happy overdose. i love good days.

tinkerberry needs a new coverrrrrrr. i need a new bag. i need new shoes. ryane needs new shoes. :) i am so so so very happy that i am going home tomorrow! ah everything is turning out so fine! i can't feel better! i can't wait to go home and see mommy and daddy and my two lil girls! yay! i wish i could get everyone presents like for christmas!

just back from ter's room watching confessions of a shopaholic hugging mondayyy! monday is more my pet than hers. hahaha. it's like my regular hug-mate. i watched two movies today, i slacked my whole day away, i feel so happy. i used water color! haha, i like pastels better. pastels are dirty and messy and colorful. i love it.

haha lemons! and magic in the air. and a lot of bubbles - everywhere. i've had a really great day. all the laziness makes up for all the nasty little things.!

Day Twenty Eight.- Your year, in great detail

2010-02-11T17:10:00.004+08:00

i remember so well that 2009 started off awesome. i remember being at the void deck below ter's house and playing with bobby and sparklers and zr and kim. i remember being very happy. i remember also going to penang and having one of the best times of my life in a place so unlike singapore. it was gorgeous. i had lunch under a tree. i had a haircut there too! i remember not being too daring haha. in 2009, i eventually plucked up enough guts to slash half my hair away rendering it to it's short state now. ter was with me then. i remember that she cut her bangs while i slashed my hair away. i also remember watching twilight with a group of friends whom we (me and ter) stopped hanging out with afterwards. i remember getting back my a level results and being really really relieved that it was nowhere near too bad. i remember the fear of being indecisive and having no idea where to go after i got my results back. i can only thank God that i'm settled now and everything was and is fine. i remember that i worked admin, worked waitressing (and that job got me awesome friends that i still love to visit), worked editing (and edwin came to visit me once! only! and i loved the oyster cake thing downstairs, oh right and i went to zr's house haha!) oh and also, i remember clubbing! haha. i don't know if i'm over it completely yet though, sometimes i get random impulses and i want to be there. i remember church! church's awesome. i was so happy. i love candice and i thank God so much that he put her in my life. then there's the other people in the cg whom i will love always, people who've been there and seen me grow up. and in a whole year, i've changed. i've grown older and seen more things (big/small) pass me by. i've learnt what are some things that i should let go off and what i should hold on to. in the past year, i've grown closer and more dependent on God than i've ever been. i'm so glad for that. that looking back in the past year, i really see God's handprints in my life. that he has placed me with faithful friends and a faithful friend, people who correct and rub against and mould you into someone better. i thank God for teresa. in the past year, i've also started university and gotten into hoards of unnecessary trouble that i'm learning how to deal with. i'm still in the process of learning rest and joy in rest but everything's working out fine and i can see that now.

looking back has an amazing way of making one see what God has done. i honestly thought that my year (2009) had no manifestation of amazingness but i see now that it isn't true. God, you've been there every step of the way and you have made it good. look where i am now and where i was then. i'm only thankful that i'm here and not there and will never fall back there again.

Second star to the right. /Day Twenty Seven.- Your month, in great detail

2010-02-10T18:44:00.006+08:00

peter pan's really a tragedy. did anyone know that? right now, i feel like wishing myself away again. i always like to do that, it's getting rather boring. i might as well finally start on my last 3 days of my 30 day to do list. this month, today's the..10th. so my coverage's from 10jan to 10feb.

i remember.. mm, i remember meeting cher, charong and ada this month. i remember meeting fengxian and gordon also. i remember spending a lot of time at bras brasah. i just got my tinkerberry. i also remember whining like hell about wanting tinkerberry. i got a new notebook and i want one, yet again. i dumped charcoals for soft pastels this semester. i happen to like color a lot more. this month's also been insanely busy. it's a reminder of being alive. not positive, not negative, just being alive and constantly in motion. i made a collage box that looks like it's bursting happiness and rainbows. this month's been a reminder of "above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" and also "let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid". i have sat at the rooftops and watched stars with T a couple of times. i can look at the sky forever and wonder at the things that are hidden behind it and what it sees everyday. i have also reapplied my nail polish more times than necessary. i ate a lot of waffle crisps and stocked up my cupboard insanely. i still enjoy blow drying my hair. i have enjoyed all the minor things that i love in my life. i realised that a month passes variatingly between too fast and too slow.

zw got me lemons. haha! so funny.

amen.

2010-02-10T18:34:00.002+08:00

d i s r e m e m b r a n ce found.

2010-02-10T00:09:00.003+08:00

i know it's really weird but today is one of the best days that i've had in a two weeks. no wait, it's definitely the BEST. i am ever so thankful for today. i don't even actually have a reason to feel so good but i do. i suppose that's all that really matters. i think i'll be done here soon. i'm packing up and leaving! i ought to have done that in january but i thought of making this last..for 2 years, but that's clearly not going to work out.

the old has finally settled in, and new spaces are necessary.

i love how we can't remember anything much from the deepest recesses of our childhood. then when you do think about it, all that pops out are like colors (bright happy colors for me) and vague memories of ...clearly nothing. so everything is cloudy and covered by a mist. it's good you know, or so i think.

goodnight now. xo.

2010-02-09T14:53:00.006+08:00

today, i am mostly thankful that everything is over. sort of. at least i finally have some time for myself definitely. i am finally resurfacing to catch my breath for a while and lord, i'm so glad for that. still got work to do, but at least the pace is slower this time around.

but honestly, won't someone stop this train? i'm gna catch some sleep for a while. thank you God for sleep.

Vortex

2010-02-07T18:46:00.002+08:00

the past whole week, i've been sucked under a swirling mass of liquid so many times, i hardly even get to resurface and catch my breath before i get pulled down again. but here i am, glad that it's over and that a new week is beginning. i've got many things to look forward to. i'm just glad that they're all not yet fading away. i really want to remember this year very much.

bought a bottle of carrot juice to sit at starbucks just to use wireless. sick of coffee anyway, my stomach churns at the thought of it. for now.

chongjyn's coming over to meet me for dinner at jurong pt. i'm such a genius i left my hall key/access cards at hall (i think, i'm just praying that i didn't lose it now). argh. bought a lot of random stuff from jp just now. i got my watercolor paint!

i'm losing track of things that are supposed to happen. i just realised i need a camera dammit.

Still hope.

2010-02-03T13:22:00.002+08:00

mad hatter rush. madly hating how my plans have failed and gone to waste. madly resenting the amount of work i have to do before this friday. madly. at least there's the comfort of knowing that once and if, i go through this week. it's definitely not of my own doing. lettin' go. if this is the way to learn how to let go, i'm learning how to. i'm letting go. blessed year of rest you say, blessed indeed.

so at the end of the day, still filled with hope. tired, drained, but hopeful.

yay :)

2010-02-02T17:12:00.006+08:00

saw two small little cranes with qiyi today! yay, God loves us. yici just said that nelly and him may come over to ntu next tues, let that be so! got work to do now, too much almost. damn.

"But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options."

-Ala Paredes

i could run. i really could. but jesus, i choose to stay because staying is so much harder and yet so much easier when you are with me.

and you know what's the bitchy thing? i'm always there but i'm always at the very same moment not there. sometimes my heart is present, but my mind's not. sometimes my body is, but my heart's not. sometimes my ears are there for you to pour your woes to, but my hands fail to show sympathy to you. we all try. most times, i'm there or at least, most of me, the greatest part of me is and i always try to spare more than what i think i'm capable of giving away to you. i always try to not fail you, but sometimes i fail and i can't find it in myself to be sorry. for that, i'm also sorry.

i give. you take. i take back. i try again.

there's another You that helps me keep on going and i'm glad that you're there.

Day Twenty Six.- Your week, in great detail

2010-02-02T01:22:00.003+08:00

my week. okay, my last week (25 Jan - 31 Jan). i decided that i really like bright eye's first day of my life. i went out shopping at town with zw on monday, came back with nothing but mark's & spencer's digestives and butter toffees! butter toffees are amazing by the way. nothing happened on tuesday that i can remember at all, it has all slipped my mind, i think i slept thru it. i had an amazing 3d lesson, the end. oh yes, dinner at jurong point and philly left and it was zhenhui's birthday and i got qiyi her lightsticks! i opened my pack of digestives on wednesday. finished them on thursday. on wednesday i skipped western art history to do my biz law tutorial, had "lunch" with liru and andrew. thursday's foundation drawing class was fun, soft pastels are awesomeness. tried to do 2d, almost failed quite badly. magic-ed it out, thank goodness. had 3hrs of sleep that night. friday! finished 2d, went back hall to sleep, met zw in school, watched legion at cathay (fail movie), skipped biz law lecture omg. saturday, met qy and zh in bras brasah, went chinatown got cloth, bought mad amt of custard buns for family, jap food at hall14, 2d chionging, mad htht in the middle of the night. this extends to sunday, finished everything for QIYI only (happy for you babe! just the emphasis! hahahaha) at 7am, went home via gps which i didnt understand so we got lost for very long omg im so sorry zhenhui hahaha. met fengxian & gordy later super late all of us. supposed to meet at 11! all late ended up meeting at 2. omg. caught up for long! gordy joined yici, ter and me for dinner yay and then headed back to ntu and finally sleep. didnt do monumental sound but that extends to the other week.

OK YAY. i finished this one!

Fab feb!

2010-02-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

i can't believe it's already feb and i'm having to blog about my 30 days thing cus i want to be consistent and i have been horribly late because i've been incredibly busy and not online. like uh okay. watched hachiko today with zw. a lot of things to do and i'm pretty hung up now. at least this week is better than the last.

this month's startin' well. i guess! make it great please! make it awesome.

Day Twenty Five. - My day in great detail

2010-01-29T02:08:00.005+08:00

@209AM.
still rushing 2D. feeling the pressure of it and yet not at the same time. i have this weird feeling that even if i sleep now wake up later it'll still be fine. i'm staring at my cup noodles wondering if i should eat it. listening to phantom planet's do the panic now, lovin'.

mr rabbit who's late, i am.

@1111AM
should i skip biz law! just finished 2D, sort of. i'm pretty happy now. haha. 3hours of sleep but i'm surprisingly bright and awake. mm.

@348PM
just woke up after like mass calls from zw. going out nowwww or at least preppin to. yay i like long nice sleep. haha

ok i decided to re-write. (i forgot how to write daily mundane things)

i slept very randomly today. was rushing out 2D work till the wee hours of the morning but everything feels rather okay. i think today's a decently good day. i skipped business law lecture in the end for some extra sleep. then zw like mass called me until i finally woke up. called ter up and met her at adm for a while, then met zw and went to the cathay to watch legion, which by the way is horrible. omg blah blah, this is so boring and then zw sent me home after buying his 3volt lithium battery. okay the end of my long-in-great-detail-day.

ooh i got interesting photo of a particular haha-someone.

first day of my life

2010-01-28T20:42:00.003+08:00

yours is the first face that i saw i think i was blind before i met you now i don't know where i am where i've been but i know where i want to go and so i thought i'd let you know if these things take forever i especially am slow but i realize that i need you and i wondered if i could come home.

ahh i can do this to the core of my being but i really don't want to with everything screaming out from inside me.

God give me something gorgeous right now please. i need something gorgeous to look at, with flowers and happiness oozing out of it, the works. show me something beautiful now please. insects are..not.

Day Twenty Four. - Whatever tickles my fancy

2010-01-28T17:12:00.009+08:00

i'm sleepy.

my favourite color at the moment is yellow, my favourite color all the time is always almost red, sometimes i like pink. yellow is such a happy color. but research says that a yellow overdose makes people moody and obsessive compulsive, haha.

see, i want this yellow dress.

and this btw, is damn gorgeous.

dress: mushira dress

credits: iamagreedygirl

sighs, i can't even fit into this piece of amazingness.

(i've got a lot of work to doooooo. it just feels remarkably finishable so i'm not panicking yet. panic will likely set in at 12am. oh my god.)

i'll be captivated

2010-01-27T23:54:00.004+08:00

you're my survival.

this 30 day thing caused me to post like x2 my usual amount of blog posts. yay to gummy bears and nougats! gonna finish this, because if anyone can do it, YOU can. for me, you can do anything. i like biz law haha, its rather interesting and do-able.

i'll come undone in your presence, then you can stitch me back together. yay.

Day Twenty Three. - A Youtube Vid

2010-01-27T19:18:00.004+08:00

probably have never watched so many youtube videos till i met certain people.
here's my favourite one.

totally posted before.

really incredibly bored nowwwwwww. so much work to do, so little heart for it. jesus!

ah, if you clothe the lilies of the valley if you feed the birds up in the sky how much more will you do for me.

2010-01-27T14:33:00.002+08:00

I like the smell of rain. Sitting at canteen B now, rain was pouring in like showers of blessings. Jesus you know how to love me so well. Studying biz law now, heavy workload, jesus you'll do the rest for me. Favor pours down like rain.

2010-01-27T02:05:00.002+08:00

Twiggy, 1967
omg i finally understand why she's a legend.

Day Twenty Two. - A website.

2010-01-26T23:45:00.001+08:00

http://ourfirstloves.com/

click.

Day Twenty One. - A recipe

2010-01-26T23:43:00.002+08:00

Red Velvet Microwave Mug Broken Heart Cure Cake

Stuff you need:
4 Tablespoons flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons buttermilk
3 Tablespoons vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon vanilla
A little bit of white vinegar
About half a container of red food dye.
Frosting to make a sad face with (optional)
Melted white chocolate, whipped cream, vanilla ice cream, or any other carb you want to throw on it(optional)

What you do:

Put all of the flour, sugar and cocoa in a large mug (Just a reminder: if the mug is not microwavable, you may be displeased with the results) and mix it with a fork. Drop in the egg, buttermilk, oil, vanilla, vinegar, food coloring and stir it until it is throughly combined. Place the mug in the microwave and nuke it (slang for "heat it") on high or 1,000 watts for two and a half minutes.

After it is done, you may let it cool but you are probably too hasty for that. If you feel the need, add any extra frosting, chocolate, or cream to your dessert. Sit back in your pj's, scoop up some of the cake with a fork, and feel the pieces of your heart coming back together again.

credit: leloveimage

(one day late again)

Day Twenty. - A hobby of mine

2010-01-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

i like to.. read. i like it a lot.

(jesus im scared. you know what's my biggest weakness, what i most desperately want, what i never ever speak of. i'm scared and i'm almost hellbent on escaping. but you know how to pull me out. i just need it to be so fast, so now. i can't do this. i don't want to fall down again. i know i'll still be able to pick myself up, but what if, what if..this time it hurts too bad?)

Charlotte Russo.

2010-01-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

love.

2010-01-23T15:31:00.003+08:00

i don't want to deal with so many pieces of .. i don't want to get too used and not used to all of it.

Chew.

2010-01-23T13:11:00.002+08:00

this whole week .. i feel like i don't know how to describe it. it wavers between horrible and okay which is kind of on the negative side of the scale. tinkerberry rings too much (still luv it all the same!) i can't focus this week. just so horribly distracted. i don't even know how i managed to get pass so many things.

philly's house ytd. :) im hoping that today will finally become a better day.

Day Nineteen. - A talent of mine

2010-01-23T13:09:00.001+08:00

(leaving this space for God to fill up.)

making myself happy, making people happy. i try. haha

Day Eighteen. - Whatever tickles my fancy

2010-01-23T13:05:00.002+08:00

one day late for day 18. i don't know, what tickles me and will make me happy today? oh okay, my favourite disney movie, haha.

yay self explanatory haha.

2010-01-21T19:42:00.004+08:00

i stopped wanting a hedgehog haha. they're not cute anymore. i must really stop doing work last minute! at this moment, feeling a little bit paranoid and nonchalant. i don't know this works out. halfway there. halfway.

in a very unusual way, i owe all that i am to you.

Day Seventeen. - An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

2010-01-21T19:35:00.006+08:00

Botticelli's Primavera. first artpiece i used for my western art history exam.

Day Sixteen. - A song that makes me cry/almost cry

2010-01-20T23:26:00.001+08:00

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

John Lennon - Imagine

Stronger.

2010-01-20T10:42:00.006+08:00

so let your name be lifted higher.

you are stronger

sin is broken you have saved me

it is written christ is risen

jesus you are lord of all

:) feels good to praise you every morning. feels good to have you by my side, feels good to make you the centre of my life. feels good jesus, feels really good.

because like da vinci said, "when once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." and jesus, you are my flight, my skyward and i will always long to return.

Day Fifteen. - A fanfic

2010-01-19T19:28:00.004+08:00

grabbed this from livejournal! i don't read fanfics and that was the first one that i saw... so, THERE (click). this is getting a little bit tiring haha.

met fx and gordon today, had lunch at nydc@holland v and a great slice of catching up. i luv catching up! i am tired, i need to function properly, i feel like taking a run. omg jesus help me move now pls.

Day Fourteen. - A non-fictional book

2010-01-19T00:32:00.003+08:00

this one was postponed cus i dont know what non-fictional books exist. i don't read non-fiction. :/ and the day has passed it's day fifteen now!

2010-01-18T12:21:00.003+08:00

there's a fantabulous amount of macs (as in the food) in my hall room right now. was supposed to wake up with my roomie and walk to macs to buy our breakfast (or rather mine) but we decided to order cus we cldnt wake up and move. (tyvm zw the alarm clock) so yes, overwhelming macs and overwhelming work to do. i havent even read the tutorial sheets yet. i should start like now. i need to go get my biz law book.

jesus. you are stronger.

Day Thirteen. - A fictional book

2010-01-17T22:37:00.002+08:00

Reading now. Or at least attempting to read.

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

you have no idea how far and wide and long i've searched for this.

Tinkerberry

2010-01-17T18:45:00.003+08:00

tinkerberry is hereeeeeeee :) :) i can't wait to finally use it properly!! :) :) thank God for tinkerberry! :)

here i am

with all i have

raise my hands to worship u

i wna say thank you

for everything

for who you are

you cover me

you touch my heart

lord i thank you for everything you do

words truer spoken but all the same thank you jesus for being so real to me the past few days.

Day Twelve. - Whatever tickles my fancy

2010-01-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

What I want from God this year:

May your love become my every thought

I want to know the sound of your heart

I want to live for you now.

Jesus, this 2010 i'm going to learn how to enjoy you and that gives me a reason for the brightest smile everyday.

Day Eleven. - A photo taken of myself recently

2010-01-15T21:07:00.003+08:00

october somewhere i think. 2009. not that long ago. 3d day, very cold day, insane happenings the night before at s3.1.

eth.

2010-01-14T20:18:00.002+08:00

why ah jesus why. why do i have to go thru this why. why do i mourn and complain everyday when i'm fine i'm happy i'm okay. i don't feel horrible but it's always the most horrible day of my life. why. will it get better as time passes? will it strike me finally that what comes out from my lips have power? is that why i don't dare to speak sometimes about what is most important?

eth - time. time is what i cannot handle. it's slipping thru my hands like fine sand, fine quick sand. but you're the pillar that holds me up everyday. i want to be more of yours than mine.

Day Ten. - A picture of myself taken over 10 years ago

2010-01-14T20:12:00.003+08:00

HAHA. i had harry potter/john lennon specs! definitely more then 10 years ago, i was in k2, that's six? hahahaha.

2010-01-13T18:41:00.003+08:00

been blogging reblogging blogging the whole damn day and not thinking about having to go back to school but the time has arrived and the reality is real and yes i ought to pack now for the return just as how i've been packing the whole day as a clean up process say bye to fulstops and commas i really do not want to go back you know like really really sighs thank God it's only two more days i really wonder if im going to get you at the end of this week jesus wruuuuu i know youre here and listening and im asking u why people feel like that what is this what is that what is not being happy we all want to be better but what is better bye

d a c e

2010-01-13T18:22:00.001+08:00

d a c e Spring 2010 videolook from André Pinces on Vimeo.

digging up dust

2010-01-13T14:25:00.006+08:00

i can't wait to do my day 10. haha. in my process of digging up old photos and cleaning up stuff, i found my mom and dad's wedding photos. so interesting! haha.
and then a note from my teacher in jc. funky.

and this is like the cover page of the scrapbook i made when i was 10. that's like yr 2000 and almost ten years ago. oh my god. i remember that day. it was cold and we were all bored at home so i dragged my sisters to start scrapbooking with me. haha.

i like digging up old stuff. haha.

inter-twined.

2010-01-13T01:44:00.011+08:00

oh good night, i have some things not many that i want to do all of non-importance. i want to watch sherlock holmes, i want to get a bb, i want to start writing in my notebook, i want color pencils and pens and markers, i want to finish reading dorian grey but i haven't even started. i want to be -----ier.

right. ritz apple strudel with qy made me happy. close to midnight prata with dad and sisters also awesome. news that she's leaving makes me twinge but knowing that she'll be good somewhere else makes me feel better, reading this luv? :) 3d lesson at thieves' market is okay-ish. i'm writing my day backwards. ha.

was out with cher, charong and ada few days back.
these pictures make me realize how badly i need a haircut. luv all of you! god, it's almost 3. wait, it is 3. damn.

Day Nine. - A photo I took

2010-01-13T01:39:00.005+08:00

first photo i've ever taken with my ex-phone. i remember this day actually. i was with my family eating dinner in an alley somewhere. i remember the other photos taken on this day as well.

Day Eight. - A photo that makes me angry/sad

2010-01-12T21:44:00.004+08:00

this is hard to find. i don't think i actually have one.

ok maybe this one. it makes me grieve my really long long long hair. sighs.

Begin

2010-01-11T02:11:00.003+08:00

i'm in school, soon school really begins. jesus i trust that it will be a good semester and i'm going to have a great kickass beginning. i already have nice hair at 212am. haha. sat outside josiah&chongjyn's room and ate melted marshmallows barbequed over a small charcoal pit. pretty awesome stuff are marshmallows. i don't know how to begin preparing for school. T and i watched the stars today and had You clear the skies for us. i had a lovely day, from getting the books that i wanted to shopping w mummy and having dinner w mummy and daddy and then to ntu and then to the best night sky ever ever ever. i had a really lovely day. g'night.!

Day Six & Seven. - Whatever tickles my fancy/A photo that makes me happy

2010-01-11T01:51:00.007+08:00

Whatever tickles my fancy is....a random THIS/THAT survey.

1. Never have good sex again, or never eat extra delicious food again?
i can eat averagely delicious food. hahahaha.

2. Make out with one of your co-workers, or one of your teachers?

3. Watch a movie in the theater and pay, or watch it online for free?

4. Wear a lot of eyeliner or a lot of eyeshadow?

5. Date someone four years older than you or four years younger than you?

6. Not be able to have kids ever again, or get pregnant when you can’t financially handle the child?
i'll eventually get able to handle it.

7. Have a DD cup or an A cup?
neither nor.

8. Never drink coffee again, or never drink tea again?

10. Read a paragraph tyP3d Liie3K diiSZ or tYpEd LiKe ThIs?
still annoying

11. Drink a smoothie or eat yogurt?

12. Break someone else’s heart, or have yours be broken?
i’m selfish

13. Work at Six Flags or a kiddy amusement park?

14. Live in complete happiness but lose ten years off your life, or live a normal life and still have ten years?
drama is good.

15. Teach math or english?

16. Do a school project that revolved around drawing or writing?

17. Write with a pen or pencil?

18. Have a traditional, normal wedding with a white dress and all of that or an out there wedding with a funky dress?

funky dress is up to me to decide how funky it is.

19. Have your birthday be in the winter or summer?

20. Go to the beach or go to NYC?

21. Go on a romantic dinner and movie date or do something fun and active?

22. Mow the lawn or weed the garden?

23. Live in a house or an apartment?

24. Work in the produce or dairy department of a food store?

25. Date a really nice guy who was terrible in bed, or date a semi-decent guy who was amazing in bed?

26. Get your ear pierced or get your belly button pierced?

27. Get your tongue pierced or your eyebrow pierced?
not answering this.

28. Spend eight hours on the computer, or eight hours in front of the television?

29. Text someone or talk to them on AIM?

30. Have a laptop or desktop computer?

31. Go abroad for college or stay close to home?

32. Move to Australia or India?
BOTH. india for a while, australia for a while.

33. Change your name to Crystal or Esmeralda?

34. Have one girl, or have two boys?

35. Eat macaroni and cheese or eat a tuna sandwich?

36. Have broccoli alone or broccoli with cheese?

37. Take a bus or train?

38. Have naturally curly hair or naturally straight hair?

39. Have naturally brown hair or naturally red hair?

40. Have ice blue eyes or light brown eyes?

41. Kiss in the rain or kiss in the snow?

42. Be friends with benefits with someone you actually have feelings for or someone you don’t have feelings for?

43. Date someone taller or shorter than you?

44. Dye your entire head hot pink or blonde?

45. Wear flats or heels?

46. Get married when you’re 23 or 18?

47. Have kids when you’re young or older?

48. Work at a daycare center or an animal shelter?

49. Go for a walk on a snowy winter day or a hot summer day?

50. Have hot chocolate or tea?

PHOTO
this. it's so recent, it's only this saturday (9 Jan 2010) and we had such a great time and we all look so gorgeous here. ♥

Day Five. - my favourite quote

2010-01-09T12:21:00.002+08:00

"What you do not feel, you cannot grasp by art. Unless it wells out of your soul and with sheer pleasure takes control; compelling every listener's heart. But from heart to heart you will never create, if from your heart it does not come."

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust

it's been calling out to me since the first time i've ever read it, that's why.

10th post of jan.

2010-01-08T17:30:00.003+08:00

i found my favourite song for the moment.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
When You Find Me - Joshua Radin

Day Four. - my favourite book

2010-01-08T15:49:00.003+08:00

actually, i have no idea why this is my favourite book. it just is. i think it's because when i first read it i decided that this is going to be my favourite book. it's quite magical because everytime i read it, i remember how i felt the first time i read it. (as with many other books) but i think i kind of stuck to the idea that i wanted this book to be my favourite and so it is. everytime someone asks me what's my favourite, this book pops into my mind. i'll just let it be until i find another book that will catch my fancy the way this one does.

year1sem2

2010-01-08T15:37:00.002+08:00

my timetable is gross. like super, like really, like what the. REALLY? jesus it will be a good sem amen. year of rest okay. biz law is going to be good. so is 4d. i wonder if the picture is click-to-enlarge-able. hmm.

WAH JESUS MY TIMETABLE IS REALLY GROSS LA. REALLY. sighs.

2010-01-08T01:09:00.000+08:00

yay magic. super magic.

love, i tell you love is awesome.

2010-01-07T20:10:00.004+08:00

i can tell you why i'm bubbling with joy right now right now! i got my michael ondaatje! so okay, he looks a little bit old and battered but that's fine right! i got him for like dirt pricing! and it was so miraculous that my eye fell on him (my contacts were irritating me i could barely see, my eyes cldnt focus pls) after two whole years of looking for him!! ahhhh yay!! oh and even better, i got dorian grey! at dirt pricing also! and better still, almost completely clean!! ahhhhhhhh god loves me i tell you. i had to go through three shops for him. okay, so someone wrote a message in purple in the book telling someone else to go enjoy it and the someone obviously didnt! but there's me! and i will love it i promise i promise!! along the way, i bought like 3 other books along with these two as well. sighs. i need to curb my buying books really randomly spree. and so now, i'm hesitating! should i or should i NOT buy the complete works of oscar wilde? it's so cheap please. i should just go get it! what am i doing!!!!!!! :(

okay i will stop exclaiming now. no one's going to read this i swear. hahaha.

i srsly thank god everyday so much that no one made dorian grey my lit text. that will spoil my joy so damn bad. like it did to p&p.

tinkerberry wruuuuu :(

oh and met candice today got my birthday present today got a lot of good things today. i really need to use my punctuations properly. i'm just dumping words everywhereeeee. what is the internet doing to me what what what.

i wondered today if i noticed the hype around me regarding certain things because i started being more conscious of it in my interest to it or if i was part of the hype. is there a difference then?

the happy prince is not a happy story. really. so is the nightingale and the rose. children classic's are seriously miserable stuff. disney is awesome.

Day Three. - my favourite tv drama

2010-01-07T04:13:00.003+08:00

grey's anatomy. definitely. i still love gossip girl, but this is still amazing.

one of the best scenes ever, this.

i sometimes wish that nobody let go of anything, you know? that we all hung on tight and we didn't let go. but we did, and that's all that matters now, except. well, except.

i probably should start sleeping early. school's starting, my sleeping pattern is still erratic. i don't really want to screw up my semester. no, really. i want to be better. i probably also need to stop sighing. i've been happy-ish and then i've been sighing. i didn't buy my shoes in the end, maybe i'll get a pair tomorrow(today)! yes? no? yes? i definitely want starbucks. i miss starbucks, i hope my favourite season is not over yet. is today the twelfth day of christmas already? oh wait, it's already over.

Day Two. - my favourite movie

2010-01-06T03:08:00.005+08:00

always moulin rouge. always.

it's 308am now. i really should be sleeping, great day ahead tomorrow! i can't wait for so many things to happen. my heart anticipates.

i keep listening to disney's snow white songs and watching the film keeps making me laugh. haha.

now that i've found you hear what i have to say.

should i buy shoes? or more like should i pay for them? hmm.

Day One. - my favourite song

2010-01-05T17:35:00.004+08:00

today can be day ONE of my 30 days to-do list.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
make a plan to love me - bright eyes

well not really. but i have a sudden lack of favourite songs. so this can be it for a while!

i shall make tags for this year. i shall tag every post! haha.

4th day into the newyear, 2010

2010-01-04T23:58:00.002+08:00

i really want tomorrow to be a good day. i really really want it to a magnitude of such great heights. school's in a week and as each moment passes, less. it's going to be a good semester. amen.

2010.

2010-01-01T01:24:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010 will be good and exciting and filled with many expectations that will be fulfilled. You have went up and ahead and conquered ALL!

i had a good new year's eve/new year with yici and ter! :) very good. starbucks and nothing else. haha.

happy one yr old too my dear blog! you will stick with me for another year to go!

seven-leaf clover

2009-12-31T15:07:00.002+08:00

i remember that i used to go to the school's backyard to look out for four-leaf clovers cus they were supposed to bring good luck. i spent maybe 10minutes looking at the ground, walking round and round in circles, before i got frustrated and i gave up. hahaha. i think i spent a week doing that, 10minutes a day. i never found it though.

happy new year's eve! :) it's a good one already. this year will end well.

2009. hello bye.

2009-12-30T16:41:00.005+08:00

Which was the best month for you? December & maybe bits of January

Which month(s) was the worst? The empty spaces in between - Feb - beginning Aug

What was the most significant thing that happened this year? Everything and nothing. Maybe that I got to school and started it.

What person had the most impact on your life this year? T. cus she's been there the whole damn year.

What was the best concert that you attended? I can't remember any.

What was your biggest challenge of 2009? Haha, looking for a job.

Your biggest regret? None.

What moments stand out to you the most? Oh the drama. The intense hot soup amount of it.

What band did you listen to the most? No band.

On a scale of 1-10, 2009 was: Now that I'm at the end, 6 is a good gauge.

Did you:

Meet anyone special? Yes

Get close to someone you didn’t expect to? Well yes.

Have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Hahaha no.

Have a relationship for more than 3 months? BGR - no. friends - yes.

Hook up with anyone, no strings attached? HAHA no.

Experience the death of a loved one? No.

Get in a fight? Maybe.

Lose a friend? Yes.

Regret doing something? No.

Go to a concert? No.

Get back together with an ex? No.

Enjoy being single? Yes.

Accomplish a goal? Probably, not really.

Learn something new? Yes definitely.

Get arrested? No.

Break up with someone? Hahaha no maybe. no.

Get a tattoo? No.

Go to a party? Enough

The New Year: 2010

What will you be doing on New Year’s Eve: I dont know yet. I want to meet my best friend. No dogs this year, but we have sparklers.

Will you kiss anyone at midnight? No, no definitely not.

What is your New Year’s resolution? I.. that's a secret.

Did you keep your resolution from last year? Didn’t make one.

Do you think things will be different in 2010? Yes. Very, VERY.

What do you want most out of 2010? :)

Do you think 2010 will be better than 2009? YES.

Anything you are particularly looking forward to? Yes.

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing…kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles.
-Audrey Hepburn

Brighter.

2009-12-30T16:29:00.002+08:00

i've had a good yesterday which saved my today and suddenly everything becomes brighter and everything is turning good. yesterday i journeyed to tg pagar and then qiyi decided she wanted to come and be great company. we walked from tg pagar to clarke quay i don't actually know how. we just ended up there. and it was so good.

my gpa sucks haha no really i'm not kidding no fulstops even to emphasize how bad it is it's horrifying.

but at the same time, i dont feel all too upset by it. i mean, definitely, a lot/a little WTF-ed but otherwise.. argh okay i can deal with that.

i got my crayons today! :) it's all rather good really.

2009-12-29T14:47:00.002+08:00

oh my god. what the fuck. are you serious. WHAT THE FUCK.
i am trying very hard to not believe this. but fine. FINE. be that way. WTF.

2009-12-28T21:42:00.002+08:00

i fucking hate being broke. damn effing hell HATE. mf. oh and i fucking hate liars too.

2009-12-27T22:36:00.001+08:00

okay! there's no what if(s)! i definitely don't want you around anymore. i should get all these over and done with! then we'll all be happier. i'm not very excited for '10. but i expect big change, great change, earth-shakin' change. g'night. much love to all. xx

twenty o nine.

2009-12-27T04:07:00.004+08:00

ah haha, must stop being such a sucker for happy endings. i like hk canto dramas! with chinese subtitles cus i don't understand canto and can read chinese. haha. i just thought of how much i don't like going to places that make me remember too much. i think 2006 will always be one of those years in my life that i will never be able to let go of properly. best year yet, really. we were so young. growing up is such a beautiful tragedy. i wish i could have handled so many things better. at nineteen going twenty, i can be my worst letdown.

2009 flew me by, like how many other years have been lately. somehow i remember more of my 2008 even more than 2009. 2009 is ... so empty, so vague, so uncompleted. i look back and what i see is empty space. i can barely register that i went overseas twice, took a plane once. and all these i know because i was looking back through notebooks and stuff. i feel like it's been wasted. oh but free favors, so much that i can't deny, even if i don't remember. i know that it's been there. 2009 began for me in august. too much happened since then. i'm glad though, vagueness is not a break. 2010 will be roomy for me.

i want a hedgehog for christmas! still.

in 2009..

2009-12-26T17:08:00.002+08:00

bold what you have done.

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol (x factor.)
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

that's a rather decent amount of stuff! haha. oh happy boxing day! i had a great christmas at sophie's place! this christmas has been really good in the quietest and pleasantest of ways.

A quiet christmas

2009-12-25T00:45:00.001+08:00

and now, MERRY CHRISTMAS! it's been really quiet. no parties, no gatherings. just being at home and knowing that christmas is here is good enough. i'm happy this christmas! no fantastic elaborate dinners, no nothing, no christmas tree (i think that's my only woe) but every nothing else is rather nice. so merry christmas! and i hope everyone has a happy one like i'm having! i wonder how my sister's christmas at israel is. haha.

2009-12-24T01:53:00.000+08:00

merry christmas eve! :)

2009-12-23T15:07:00.002+08:00

2 more days to go and all christmas wishes may be coming true.

no words to say. no words.

2009-12-19T14:30:00.002+08:00

i refuse to count anymore. due to various reasons. i can't think. it's a cold day today. cold days makes me want to hide in my blanket and curl there. cold days makes me want to make a cup of hot chocolate and hug it in my hands while i read a book. i can't find a book to read. the last book that i read is still pulsing in my head. do you understand? it's like when you read a book and it creates such an impact in you that all you can think of is how/why/what. i just discovered that i actually have titanic's epic hit - my heart will go on - in my itunes. it's on shuffle now (as it is everyday) and suddenly i remember a scene from the movie. i think that's what music does to a person. it helps you remember what you think you have forgotten. this morning at 2 ++ in the am, i was telling phil about how the most basic things are the most easy to forget. and it's so true. i'm trying hard to be braver now, to do things that i don't want to do/don't like to do, and to stop giving myself excuses to not do things. pain is an excuse. fear is an excuse. to take the first step forward, you close your eyes and you jump. that's what i've been doing, and i keep doing it. everytime i think of something new, it's a new leap into the unknown. i don't know how it's going to turn out. i stopped thinking about turn-outs a while ago. just walking. everyday. walking, running, jumping, eventually reaching somewhere. i don't know where yet. blind leapin' now. but i know i'm safe because You walk with me, run with me, jump with me. you know where i'll be. that's good enough. i don't need to know. destiny..it's a journey. i will end up somewhere. next year, i want you to make me the best that you would want me to be in my season and keep me knowing it. i'm still scared though, but i'm trying. jumps.

2009-12-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

my christmas spirit is diminishing rather rapidly. i'm rather sad. i got my nails done blue today, ter got hers red. three of them are rather botched. haha. i want my nails to grow longer as soon as possible. finally watched princess and the frog. not my favorite disney, at all. i still want a bb very much. oh well.

2009-12-16T14:47:00.003+08:00

i am insecure today and i want to be skinny. haha.

yesterday was a good day. :)

photo credit: yewrx

got two new skirts yay! :) shopping is good for health.

meeting ter in a while! good and better. i really ought to stop spending. like stop.

11days!

2009-12-14T14:56:00.003+08:00

Today is ter's birthday! and the poor girl is sick at home :( oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUV!

love you many.

one of the reasons i am not where i am would be that i don't particularly want to be where you are. i am so thankful that you have no idea that this exists. today's a semi good day. it'll get better henceforth.

i can also pick myself up and run and hide a good distance away. i used to dream about how i could just buy a ticket and fly away and maybe hit the other side of the world or something. guess it's not going to happen too soon. the world's an ugly place somehow. i could trade love for experience and maybe gain it back along the way. i know i would. today i feel like i should wrap myself up in plastic, i feel stifled right now.

2009-12-12T21:16:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt so happy thinking about something and what has happened before and can't stop smiling about it? so much that you walk and suddenly laugh out loud? and have you ever felt so wistful looking at that same something and wondering at the beauty of it? so much that you want to cry?

i felt both ranges of emotions in one hour. rather amazin'.

/edit

i am quite an emotional wreck over movies. haha.

2009-12-12T17:44:00.002+08:00

i've been having good days. and the things around me have been making me happy. sushi on sunday! :D

This is beautiful

2009-12-10T13:23:00.003+08:00

been at church camp for the past few days. nothing life changing yet. just more assurance over and over again, thank you. i hope to get more from you by the end of tonight. i hope you'll speak something into my life so that i can go on for a while longer. meanwhile, i'm starting to feel a little bit claustrophobic. home doesn't seem to ever generate that kind of emotion in me. i'm glad for home. the stars are still shining bright. i'm happy.

2009-12-06T21:54:00.001+08:00

jesus
all my fears they fade away
when i see u

i want a bb la jesus. it's very cheap only. give me a bb okayz. :(

alternatively, give me a job so that i can work hard and get a bb. :(

found, again.

2009-12-05T23:26:00.004+08:00

it's been a good good day.

today, i told u what i like to read and paperbacks are like my main source of joy. i told u i liked to read things that made me think and you asked me how paperbacks encourage thinking. at that moment, i cldnt answer u. but i thought about it and i know now. paperbacks make me believe in music, and magic and beauty and love and all the amazing things that remains only in stories (because reality can be a bitch). it makes me think about how to make people happy, and what are the things in life that are worth keeping close.

i've also realized that everything is okay now because u've made it okay or will make it okay. that no matter what, all i have to do is to look at u and that's easy cus no one else compares to u and it's amazing that way. also, in this whole past year, i've realized how you've moulded me to make me stronger through the small little things that i've been going through slowly, how you made me more sensible and how much favor you've thrown into my life despite all that i've went thru. so yes, i still feel emotionally rammed down by a car. but tonight, it's in a good way. you've made things really great for me today. i haven't felt this way in a long time and u've made me open up and look at myself totally differently. you know i thank you, i thank you so much for all that.

more importantly, i thank u too for security. for making me feel safe all the time that throughout this period of time where uncertainty and doubt abounds so greatly, even when i ran away from u, u made me feel safe in a place of stormy seas and turbulence. u created safety and made urself my anchor, my seabed and never once made me feel uncertain of my choice and my decision regarding where i am and what i wld be (even though that is very much still unknown, but thks to u, i know it'll be good and great and awesome and destined). i'll be fine, because u made it so that that's the only way i'll be other than amazing.

toffee nut latte! = amazing christmasy happiness :) :) :) 19 days to christmas as of now @ 1248AM 6Dec09 happy birthday my lil kid sister ♥ u very many!

phantom tears

2009-12-05T00:22:00.001+08:00

“There are nearly thirteen million people in the world. None of those people is an extra. They’re all the leads of their own stories.”

-Synecdoche, New York (2008)

what's the use of crying. so we smile, and the tears become phantoms.

2009-12-04T13:50:00.000+08:00

Feels like I've got emotionally rammed down by a car over the past few weeks. We're all okay now.

Gorgeous

2009-12-04T00:55:00.005+08:00

back from school at 1am. collected what i had to. ben&jerry's was awesome. jonliang dropped us off at pioneer. tyvm for everything. did you see the sky tonight? it's insane. seriously. back at sk, and still the bright shining moon and still the sharp brightness of the orion's belt and more. somehow i had this idea that it would not be so gorgeous here, but thank God, You know how tired i am and made my walk home a blessed journey. it's beautiful and i can never thank You enough for it. haha, thank you that you made me the same girl who still believes that stars have their own stories to tell even if i may never know them well. i could lie down there and look up till..i'm done and i'll still be amazed. (:

mat says the sky is crashing down. i say BUT it's crashing down beautifully. sometimes, i think that's all that matters..in a way, sometimes, a glorious beautiful step-down is important. knowing when to step back and leave things behind.

I could use days like these

2009-12-01T23:03:00.004+08:00

yay, awesomeness! best flavor yet. okay lies. but still really good stuff.

i like days like these where i either sit at home and read a book or walk outside for just a moment. for many days i've been wondering how is it that i can want something and yet want nothing in regard to the something all at the same time. i still don't have an answer. but this is definitely not an unfamiliar feeling. i've felt this before, got over it, so i know i'm gonna get over it again. but knowing that does not prevent it from bothering me. so i guess it will, till a certain point.

Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world. I feel like I can’t take it and my heart… is just going to cave in.

-American Beauty

Hello December!

2009-12-01T01:41:00.002+08:00

you could give me that. really. awesome library. awesome.

i hope this month's going to be great, i can use a great finish-off. really!

is pull always a drag-down-to-self motion? why isn't it more of a lift-up-for-self motion? i can pull you through and i can lift you up. pull, hmm.

xx

2009-11-30T15:11:00.002+08:00

TODAY, I WILL WRITE IN CAPS. WRITE, LIKE PEN/PENCIL ON PAPER. EVERYTHING I WRITE WILL BE IN CAPS. JUST TODAY.

Inhaling Love Actually.

Good luck to us. Really, good luck to us. I wish us well with a whole heart.

Things that made me happy today

2009-11-29T18:39:00.003+08:00

- the effort was made. i went to church today after a long time, and yes, i fell asleep once again but the effort was made. i'm gonna go on.

- lunch with mum

- a particular friend cycles over to my place for lunch, his lunch. and my icecream.

- rented save the last dance (pls remind me how d/l-ing is impt, i save money!)

- seen my share of beautiful things today

- my day hasn't ended yet :)

xo!

well cus you, you making my dreams come true

-Hall & Oates